Barney's a pansy. Big and purple and your best friend? Yeah, right. I'd like to skin his purple hide and use it for a couch!

Now a real best friend, well that's clear; he's a cute, cuddly and I know exactly how he feels about me - he talks to me all the time on television.

You stay away from my man Miss Piggy or I'll be frying up your bacon thighs for breakfast, bi-otch! Just because he's a green puppet frog doesn't mean we can't be together.

Kermit's mine, he's all mine!

Now, where's the tequila?